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99 callers ahead in the queue © PETER ANDERSSON A MUSIC PARODY BASED ON: "99 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL" BONUS QUOTE: "I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes." STEVEN WRIGHT |
will take your call as soon as possible… (pause)… Right now there are… (pause)… 100 callers in line." 99 callers ahead in the queue 99 callers ahead If one of those callers should hap´ to get through 98 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 99 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 98 callers ahead in the queue 98 callers ahead If one of those callers´ support bill is due 97 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 98 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 97 callers ahead in the queue 97 callers ahead If one of those callers must start all anew 96 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 97 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 96 callers ahead in the queue 96 callers ahead If one of those callers gets desperate for brew 95 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 96 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 95 callers ahead in the queue 95 callers ahead If one of those callers should somehow get through 94 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 95 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 94 callers ahead in the queue 94 callers ahead If one of those callers decide to make do 93 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 94 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 93 callers ahead in the queue 93 callers ahead If one of those callers gets high sniffing glue 92 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 93 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 92 callers ahead in the queue 92 callers ahead If one of those callers takes off for a stew 91 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 92 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 91 callers ahead in the queue 91 callers ahead If one of those callers should somehow peak through 90 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 91 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 90 callers ahead in the queue 90 callers ahead If one of those callers should somehow leak through 89 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 90 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 89 callers ahead in the queue 89 callers ahead If one of those callers´ among lucky few 88 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 89 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 88 callers ahead in the queue 88 callers ahead If one of those callers is saying adieu 87 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 88 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 87 callers ahead in the queue 87 callers ahead If one of those callers should somehow fall through 86 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 87 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 86 callers ahead in the queue 86 callers ahead If one of those drifting off range in canoe 85 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 86 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 85 callers ahead in the queue 85 callers ahead If one of those callers should somehow beak through 84 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 85 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 84 callers ahead in the queue 84 callers ahead If one of those callers should somehow sneak through 83 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 84 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 83 callers ahead in the queue 83 callers ahead If one of those callers dialed wrong from Peru 82 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 83 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 82 callers ahead in the queue 82 callers ahead If one of those callers should somehow come through 81 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 82 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 81 callers ahead in the queue 81 callers ahead If one of those folks can no longer pursue 80 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 81 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 80 callers ahead in the queue 80 callers ahead If one of those callers´ just speaking Urdu 79 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 80 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 79 callers ahead … “Honey, can you let the cat out? I´m busy with the dishes!” “Right now you are caller number (pause) 79 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *silence* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 78 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *silence* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 77 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *silence* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 76 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” “Honey, can you do it right now? I think it really needs to go!” “Right now you are caller number (pause) 75 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *grumbling and walking sounds* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 74 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *sound of door being opened* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 73 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *sound of door being closed* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 72 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *walking sounds* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 71 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *sound of chair being moved* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 70 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *grumbling* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 69 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 68 callers ahead in the queue 68 callers ahead If one of those callers takes off for a screw 67 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 68 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 67 callers ahead in the queue 67 callers ahead If one of those callers should somehow break through 66 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 67 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 66 callers ahead in the queue 66 callers ahead If one of those callers should somehow breach through 65 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 66 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 65 callers ahead in the queue 65 callers ahead If one of those callers´s a monkey from zoo 64 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 65 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 64 callers ahead in the queue 64 callers ahead If one of those folks can´t his´ sleeping subdue 63 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 64 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 63 callers ahead in the queue 63 callers ahead If one of those callers has help desk debut 62 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 63 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 62 callers ahead in the queue 62 callers ahead If one of those callers should later get through 61 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 62 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 61 callers ahead in the queue 61 callers ahead If one of those callers should this day get through 60 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 61 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 60 callers ahead in the queue 60 callers ahead If one of those callers should this week get through 59 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 60 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 59 callers ahead in the queue 59 callers ahead If one of those callers should this month get through 58 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 59 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 58 callers ahead in the queue 58 callers ahead If one of those callers should this year get through 57 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 58 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 57 callers ahead in the queue… “Right now you are caller number (pause) 57 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *silence* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 56 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *silence* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 55 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *zzzzzzzz* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 54 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *zzzzZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 53 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 52 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 51 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 50 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 49 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 48 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 47 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 46 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 45 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 44 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 43 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 42 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 41 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 40 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 39 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 38 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 37 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 36 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 35 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 34 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 33 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 32 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 31 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 30 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 29 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 28 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 27 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 26 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 25 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 24 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 23 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 22 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 21 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZZZZZ* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 20 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” “Honey, can you let the cat back in? I´m busy watching Oprah!” “Right now you are caller number (pause) 19 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *ZZZZzzzz* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 18 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *zzzzzzzz* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 17 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” “Honey, can you do it right now? I can hear it scratching!” “Right now you are caller number (pause) 16 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *yawning, grumbling* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 15 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *walking sounds* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 14 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *sound of door being opened* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 13 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *sound of door being closed* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 12 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *walking sounds* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 11 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *sound of chair being moved* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 10 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” *grumbling* “Right now you are caller number (pause) 9 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” Ahem, where was I…? “Right now you are caller number (pause) 8 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” Now only 7 ahead in the queue Now only 7 ahead If one of those callers should die from the flu Only 6 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 7 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” Now only 6 are ahead in the queue Now only 6 are ahead If one of those callers this lifetime gets through Only 5 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 6 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” Now only 5 are ahead in the queue Now only 5 are ahead If one of those callers should choke and get blue Only 4 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 5 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” Now only 4 are ahead in the queue Now only 4 are ahead If one of those callers´ in snipe range from you Only 3 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 4 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” Now only 3 are ahead in the queue Now only 3 are ahead If one of those folks´ offered Veal Cordon Bleu Only 2 callers ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 3 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” Now only 2 are ahead in the queue Now only 2 are ahead If one of those gets through but cannot construe 1 final caller ahead in the queue “Right now you are caller number (pause) 2 (pause) please hold, we´ll be with you as soon as possible.” 1 final caller ahead in the queue 1 final caller ahead If that final caller is Santa in flue Then there´ll be no Help Desk OR Christmas for you! © Peter Andersson 2004 |
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