Snot © PETER ANDERSSON A MUSIC PARODY BASED ON: "KISS" BY: TOM JONES BONUS QUOTE: "One always writes comedy at the moment of deepest hysteria." V. S. NAIPAUL		Some people need nose drops when they get the flu. Not me, Iīd rather wish I could cork it. Itīs like Iīm turning into a human slime fountain, going through a weeks supply of handkerchiefs in just minutes. Sometimes I actually lose more than my entire body weight per day until itīs over, even when I deliberately dehydrate myself, believe it or not. It has been suggested that I should be brought to the Gobi Desert to fertilize it and I wish I could say it was science fiction but itīs like my sinuses are turning into the receiving station for a waste disposal teleporter in the phlegm dimension. (It has also been suggested that I, just like “every male on the face of the Earth”, has a tendency to greatly exaggerate my complaints when I have a fever. That kind of remarks are, of course, always met with the forgiving kind of silent stoicism that such innocent ignorance deserves). ;-) It donīt help if I dehydrate to turn it off I still spray at sprinkler rate an’ I sneeze and cough I donīt need a nasal cleanse to chunk my stuff Adjust leeves and tidal fence īcos now my sinusī going buff It donīt help to be rich or stomp and pout It donīt help to be cool when flu breaks out As slime particles they pour Iīm not com-fortable, NOT I donīt want these raspy cords and all SNOT! You gotta not walk hasty baby if you wanna assist me It can be too slippy mama I swamp like Gu-am you see Did I miss my carotenes? Or maybe vitamin C? Adjust, breathe, this sinus-tchoo-nami’s a wiccan, havoc, salt sea It donīt help to pray, Nietzs- che said Godīs dead It donīt help if itīs Yule when nose goes red As my apartment is drenched and I am sneezing A LOT I sure am no ubermensch Iīm just SNOT! Think Iīll need to sleep soon Sinus slime hurls soak my bed Iīd say they make me red Watch your shoes mama Not your shoe size, maybe you should go (she fled) You donīt have to be on the sea to lose your latitude I oughta know, Iīm all fluid, see my nose and meīs in feud It donīt help to just bitch when woe is me It donīt help to stuff wool my spring breaks free From influenza unwell but thereīs an upside (SAY WHAT?) I could flood the fires of Hell with my SNOT! © Peter Andersson 2005
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