At the Pearl' Gates (In row) © PETER ANDERSSON A MUSIC PARODY BASED ON: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" BY: WEIRD AL YANKOVIC BONUS QUOTE: "As your goth healthcare provider, I urge you to enjoy the time-honored tradition of allowing time and gravity to slowly devastate your body." DOTH		All good musicians are sooner or later tempted to sell their soul to the Devil - that's why I'm not playing an instrument, that's why I'm only rewriting lyrics of those already doomed. Still that might not be enough, who knows, but my back-up plan is to tell Saint Peter "Hey! We have the same name! You have to let me in!". That said, here's a song about some smoked guy standing in line outside the Pearly Gates. At the Pearl' Gates At the Pearl' Gates - In Row At the Pearl' Gates At the Pearl' Gates - In Row Well, the time's here, I can see the Pearl' Gates, it happened as I feared I choked upon a broccoli I couldn't clear with beer As kid I kicked some puppies and were fuzzy with my eats A million candy wrappers I left littering the streets My daddy took one look at me and signed up for the corps My mama had those nervous breakdowns from me back and forth The garbage man turned stalker, our house was like a sty I knew I wouldn't be on Heaven's short list when I died At the Pearl' Gates At the Pearl' Gates - In Row At the Pearl' Gates At the Pearl' Gates - In Row Well, with a mobster batting average that never hit the fritz I kinda know Saint Peter's gonna send me to the pits The monkey spanking teenage years' an albatross of course Headmistresses could weigh in, but they never found a corpse Gonna take an extraordinary hail Mary for me I'm gonna be in hotter flames than all of World War III There's no one that can help me, sulphur I can smell And ablebodied lawyers they all work for Hell (As the cops on take - I'm doomed, OK?) At the Pearl' Gates At the Pearl' Gates - In Row At the Pearl' Gates At the Pearl' Gates - In Row Well, there's my record for The Mighty and I cannot cook the book There's the Devil down there waiting if I can't get off the hook Add my Tinder online status and my social media feed Hope the gatekeeper here's not hacked into old Zuckerberg indeed My one chance: If the crucible is like The Hunger Games I'll hit the other scoundrels with eternities of flames But as I'm drawing nearer all the souls here near me take Blowhardened selfies - and I know I'm baked At the Pearl' Gates At the Pearl' Gates - In Row At the Pearl' Gates At the Pearl' Gates - It Blows! At the Pearl' Gates At the Pearl' Gates - In Row At the Pearl' Gates At the Pearl' Gates - It Blows! (At the Pearl' Gates) Damn - My ticket's six-six-six! © Peter Andersson 2018
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