Crossfit zombie
© PETER ANDERSSON

A MUSIC PARODY
BASED ON:
"SELL OUT"
BY: REEL BIG FISH



BONUS QUOTE:
"I finally have the body I want after a rigorous six month training program of lowering my expectations."
UNKNOWN
 
Crossfit is the most injury-prone workout activity known to mankind, yet for some reason still tremendously popular. In that sense signing up for Crossfit is pretty much like way too optimistic artists signing their first record company contract (the theme of the original song).
The original song and a video for it can be heard/seen HERE.

-Well, I know you can't just bike and run all your life
-But don't head down there tonight, she said
-You'll just gain weight

And I didn't argue with my bae
But I had a year prepaid
I'd signed up to get fitter
Knew haters gonna hate on it for sure

I had to go to the Crossfit Gym
I had to lift my worth of money
Stereo plays and instructors swears
She's calling me a fool - I'd gotten addicted

Work out, get crossfit yeah
Work out, get ripped tonight
From crossfit wondrously you will get a lot of muscles
And everything on you look all swoll

No more blackened toenails
No more scrotum anti-chafe
God knows that set me back before
So I didn't heed the words she said
I don't need rest days anyways
I'd signed up to get bigger
Though joggers norm'lly hate on that for sure

I have to go to the Crossfit Gym
There they will lift more of my money
Varying reps and meniscus tears
They play me like a fool - I've gotten addicted

Work out, get crossfit yeah
Work out, get ripped tonight
From crossfit uppity you will think you're getting muscles
And everything you big

And I didn't know it would hurt this bad
And I pray for a less sheepled fad
And I'm not sure why we keep at this
But the brainage shrinkage is what it is so-so-soo

So I've signed up for more Crossfit foolery
I'm hurting every day to make worth the moolah
When I'm done I chug a couple of beers
My inside stays cool, and I badly need that

Work out, get tough as nails
Work out, get long-term ails
In gym halls pungency you will cross the kind of fitness
'Makes everything in your stomach turn

*baaaaaaaarf*
*blargh-blargh*
*blargh-blargh*

Some Crossfit people occupy ER beds tonight!

-Baby, don't you head down there tonight, she says
But I can't stay this scrawny all my life



© Peter Andersson 2018

   

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