I can take Jean-Claude van Damme © PETER ANDERSSON A MUSIC PARODY BASED ON: "SUPERMAN" BY: EMINEM BONUS QUOTE: "Karate is a form of martial art in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world." UNKNOWN		Fellow parodist Arwen once wrote a song that I now down the road remember as supposed to be one long violent fight scene. I already had this title sub above kicking in my sketch file, figuring a mix of battle rap and MMA would be the way to proceed, but after being chicked like that then for years that was exactly what didn't happen. As the now oldest idea in that sketch file it briefly surfaced as a candidate to be my 500th parody on Amiright, but then again I really don't do many hip-hop songs so I figured it would have been out of character, hence I choose to postpone finishing it which also gave me time to inflate it with even more hot air and to kick around with varying the choruses. *Mumbling* *Mumbling* You wanna fight or something? That's what I wanna hear! You know I took down Jet Li, I sneezed down Lucy Liu I bitch slapped old Chuck Norris, then I knocked Sly Stallone I'm gonna knock you out, 'cos that's what I'm about I'll press your ears together, then maybe let you hurl You'll all be losers ladies, soon know I know Kung Fu Then call Jean-Claude van Damme, I'm gonna beat him too You'll scream like little girls, run like a chicken herd No'r close you'll get to face me, left to flip the bird So call Jean-Claude van Damme Make him cry in a single round I'll inflict blow, get a scratch from his fingers - no I'm gonna let a ton of bricks bring him down And I'll use no tricks Just my fists, fancy shit it makes me sick All my hits will be legit Guys, your dicks will shrink to clits Taking no lip, strutting my blaze Patella, mine to nuts, reds yo face Pimp, you're lame, you'll be shamed You'll be rinsed, smoked to outer space I'm a violent man, kick yo' ass Split yo' lips, ain't no task Knee yo' dick, have yo' trashed I've wrestled punks in scary masks Don't get up, I'll f*ck you up Just get out, your woman pouts Doze you out, single hit Half a miss of mine had put you out Don't try to rise, get some ice Bitch if you try, you better pray to Christ When yo' tryin' it's goodbye tough guy Wife leave'ya playa, she'll be wise But I'll leave one thing though, bruises on bums like you! Slip away, call sick day, OK?, OK - I'm getting through? Tell me you'll leave for somewhere, maybe I'll let you go 'Til then I'll kick your dumb ass 'til your ego-hemorrhoid blows Cos I can take Jean-Claude van Damme Can take Jean-Claude van Damme Can take Jean-Claude van Damme Can take Jean-Claude van Damme I can take Jean-Claude van Damme Can take Jean-Claude van Damme Can take Jean-Claude van Damme Jean-Claude van Damme Jean-Claude van Damme Don't look so strong, I think he's slow Kinda weakly and out of flow Yeah he's f*cked, bitchy mut Home is back where he'll bloody go If a fiend, I'll beat him again I'll go whoop around, everywhere I'll descend Every blow unkind an' he'll be done in I'll see how much pail he's kicking then He won't see that, blackened his eyes I'll flip my attention to some better guy In my stride, bitching will subside The Brussels' man, the farm he'll buy Cos I know that's what klutz's do How's that lubber tried and true I've never seen flicks so laid waste to With one dig I would punch him through He could crack one thing though, pimples on boils like you! Go away, call foul play, Mayday, OK - I'm getting through? Tell me you'll switch to ballet, maybe just up and go 'Til then I'll kick your sore ass for some doctor's x-ray show You know I took down Rambo, I took down Bruce Lee too I bitch slapped 0-0-7, Charles' Angels are my hoes I'm gonna pimp you out, shiner's what I'm about I'll stress your hair to whiten, then maybe let you curl You'll all be crying ladies, soon know my Ninjutsu Then call Jean-Claude van Damme, I'm gonna pulp him too You'll crank yourself like girls, run straight out, bow and curl No good can come from face me, you have your vision blurred First thing you see, I'm unscathed I have a sum o'no scars, no way I just kick butt an' make squeal from heavyweights They're just cannon fodder to me Oh they go down in flames Pale they're made, they need last aid Stuck in the queue, whole crusades Non arises, uh, their fate Hands down you don't know martials While I'm above commercials You're all in catnip diss'nance Way off your pussy distance Stop bleeding on your lawsuits Your drooling needs a faucet You're loser-moody Getting ready for some slaughter, totter You reach out of your flab Your biggest claim to fab' Don't try to make a stand End up nuked like Japan Your out trick is a chic flick Streep/Meryl I can't stand I tell you that's your chance My throbs will freeze my hands Then I'll have three things shooed, dimwits and coots and you! Go pray, call leave an' leap day, OK - I'm getting through? Wimp out in any which way, make up an apropos 'Til then I'll kick your punk ass for my online selfie show You know I fucked up Katniss, I made the Hulk's skin blue I bitch slapped Jason Statham, I'd drive that Max mad too I do not mill about, with you alfalfa sprouts I'd say it's now or never, man exit in a twirl You'll all be called out ladies, thrown by my Tae kwon do Then call Jean-Claude van Damme, you'll soil his underoos He'll pull a fast one girls, run like a rabbit herd Might send his mum to plead me, bitching, mark my words Cos I can take Jean-Claude van Damme Can take Jean-Claude van Damme Can take Jean-Claude van Damme Can take Jean-Claude van Damme I can take Jean-Claude van Damme Can take Jean-Claude van Damme Can take Jean-Claude van Damme Jean-Claude van Damme Jean-Claude van Damme Cos I can take Jean-Claude van Damme Can take Jean-Claude van Damme Can take Jean-Claude van Damme Can take Jean-Claude van Damme I can take Jean-Claude van Damme Can take Jean-Claude van Damme Can take Jean-Claude van Damme Jean-Claude van Damme Jean-Claude van Damme © Peter Andersson 2015
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