If I could write for magazines I subscribe to © PETER ANDERSSON A MUSIC PARODY BASED ON: "IF I COULD MAKE A LIVING" BY: CLAY WALKER BONUS QUOTE: "If you sincerely desire a truly well-rounded education, you must study the extremists, the obscure and nutty. You need the balance! Your poor brain is already being impregnated with middle-of-the-road crap, twenty-four hours a day, no matter what. Network TV, newspapers, radio, magazines at the supermarket. Even if you never watch, read, listen, or leave your house, even if you are deaf and blind, the telepathic pressure alone of the uncountable normals surrounding you will insure that you are automatically well-grounded in consensus reality." IVAN STANG		Yule is that time of year when we receive letters from people who want to reinsure that they love us, be reassured that the feeling is mutual and in their own special bonding kind of way request that the relations we have with them are to remain for another rotation. No, I'm not talking about belated Christmas cards, I'm talking about annual subscription renewal cards, the kind of reminders that can make a broke but avid reader start woolgathering about writing for his favourite magazines instead of just coughing up his last nickels to get to read them. Here's a song about being in that situation (with all magazine titles mentioned translated to English for your convenience). Minor pacing note: The word subscribe is in this parody to be sung with emphasis on the first syllable, not only because that makes the best match with the original line but because apparently sub is the word the relative conformists (i.e my family) consider to be the best prefix when describing my literary taste. If I could write for magazines I subscribe to I'd be in Rubber Duck an' in Neural Goo I would be in Wax Your Nose an' in Stiletto Shoes If I could write for magazines I subscribe to Nearly every month when 'round the paycheck comes I'm punching my head to the wall Grinding my teeth over lack of bucks Thinking I might buy the farm If I could write for magazines I subscribe to I'd be in Triple X-files an' Bugbear Zoo I would be in My Quaalude an' Hieroglyphic News If I could write for magazines I subscribe to I would work all day from right here at home More than that 8 to 5 And never would I rip my hair no more When I'm stuck on some bad rhyme If I could write for magazines I subscribe to I'd be a regular in Tattoo Taboo I would be in Pimp Your Parents an' in Brewski Dude If I could write for magazines I subscribe to If I could write for magazines I subscribe to I'd be a nosy columnist for Sniffing Glue I'd be milking out the dough from Cows You Can Pursue If I could write for magazines I subscribe to If I could write for magazines I subscribe to I'd work my way to editor of Loving Ewe I'd be bonking in the barn and bank on what I do But I can just write ditties and this one is through… © Peter Andersson 2007
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