I've had every care © PETER ANDERSSON A MUSIC PARODY BASED ON: "I'VE BEEN EVERYWHERE" BY: JOHNNY CASH BONUS QUOTE: A Short History of Medicine: 2000 B.C: "Here, eat this root." 1000 B.C: "That root is heathen, say this prayer." 1850 A.D: "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion." 1940 A.D: "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill." 1985 A.D: "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic." 2000 A.D: "That antibiotic is artificial, eat this root." UNKNOWN		The original song behind this parody has been used several times by writers much sicker than me to list their various comorbidities so I figured this resurrection of it needed the opposite angle - a list of some good and some not so good remedies, ointments and cures. I was sittin' my ass down in a dusty, lonely waiting room When along came a doctor and asked me 'bout my sloven gloom If you need a Mocha Latte, man the nurse has just died And so I crawled into his lab although that let my last hope fly He asked me how I handled pain and what I could withstand And I said, listen, I've tried out every cure in this here land I've had every care, man I've had every care, man Name it, I've been there man They've probed me everywhere, man Of remedies I've had my share, man I've had every care I've been through Hard knocks Sunblocks Detox Warm socks Nose spray Band aid Dried prunes Sauna fumes Bubble bath Shaved ass Laughing gas Foot baths All MASH Kelp sauce Dental floss Lip gloss Folklore Dance floors Hardcore Lice killed Nuts grilled Guts spilled Teeth filled Wife billed I've had every care, man I've had every care, man Name it, I've been there man Quacks and shrinks that stare, man Of therapies I've had my share, man I've had every care I've been through Sedation Fixation Dilation Hydration Ligation Damnation Oration Probation Mutation Rotation Salvation Berzerking Jerking Clerking Lurking Even working Cow tipping Bird flipping White rapping Channel zapping Hard naps ALL CAPS Ain't no joke Soon I'm broke I've had every care, man I've had every care, man Name it, I've been there man More scars than I can bare, man Of surgery I've had my share, man I've had every care I've been through Bran oats Key notes Bowed to goats Life coach Dem votes Love boats Footnotes More remote Whale songs Herb bongs Red thongs Flu shot Jog trot Fresh pot Girls, hot What not Faith leap *beep-beep* Counselling an' Vaseline an' Sunscreen an' Caffeine In umpteen between, man I've had every care, man I've had every care, man Name it, I've been there man They've fixed me everywhere, man Of healing I've had my share, man I've had every care I've been through Primal screams Skin creams Wet dreams Bushwacking Bitchsmacking Backpacking Beaching Bleetching Bling-bling Hunting Fisting When enlisting Bee stings Fast flings Nose rings Such things All jinxed Old hookers Pop-up blockers Dog named Rover musk clover A combover An' moreover Soon it's over I've had every care, man I've had every care, man Name it, I've been there man The reaper's drawing near, man Of curatives I've tried my share man I've had every care I've had every care! © Peter Andersson 2010
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