The pandas
won't fuck

© PETER ANDERSSON

A MUSIC PARODY
BASED ON:
"AND THE CRADLE WILL ROCK"
BY: VAN HALEN



BONUS QUOTE:
"There are a billion people in China. It's not easy to be an individual in a crowd of more than a billion people. Think of it. More than a BILLION people. That means even if you're a one-in-a-million type of guy, there are still a thousand guys exactly like you."
WHITNEY BROWN
 
The Olympics in Beijing has given me a new pet peeve - spoiled rotten pandas! I hope I never have to read another story about how some poor little Plum-Plum or Bling-Bling has been transported in business class and their own private jets paid for by the world's taxpayers via the UN and the WWF (World Wildlife Found) from a zoo in Baden-Baden to a zoo in Bora-Bora. I might finally go bonkers if I ever again have to hear about how they just sit there sipping Limited Special Edition Bamboo Shoots Flavoured Perrier while the dillydallying dingalings Chow-Chow and Downtime-Downtime ignores their presence in favour of playing with their own faeces. I conclude that even in their prime pandas hardly have enough stamina to get off their asses, are picky beyond acceptable comprehension when it comes to eating habits and that they couldn't care less about saving their own species - so why should we? I say let them die out - I say let them all rest in peace - I say shame-shame on the pimps of WWF for making a living on panda porn trafficking!!!

Well, I say it's money wasting
'Cos the panda populace don't swing
I think it's more than all this darn migration
'Cos they all were born to oversleep
And they hardly care to even eat
I think it's more than deracination

See the pandas won't fuck
No the pandas, the pandas won't fuck
And I say fuckthem-fuckthem!

And if some local boar nails one
They start to airlift him around
They say "You're so damn endangered boy, go on boy!"
At an early age he's used as meat
Hooked up blind and indiscrete
He'll need Sigmund Frued (and steroids oow!)

See the pandas won't fuck
No the pandas, the pandas won't fuck
And I say fuckthem-fuckthem!

Have you seen a single one laid?

And if a local sow's to blink once
They start to airlift her around
They say "You're so damn endangered girl, go on girl!"
From an early age she's quite sedate'
Bamboonked blind to procreate
She'll need a Doctor Phil (but she won't need the pill)

See the pandas won't fuck
No the pandas, the pandas won't fuck
And I say fuckthem-fuckthem!

fuckthem-fuckthem
fuckthem-fuckthem
fuckthem-fuckthem
fuckthem-fuckthem



© Peter Andersson 2008

   

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