(Straight to) DVD


"Never judge a book
by its movie."

This song's for those of you who love or hate or love to hate director's cut version DVDs with bonus materials, script writers/actors commentary and/or behind the scenes bloopers, crappy stuff like that...

Saved, are spoils and spills, and acts on pills, for DVD
It reeks, should be condemned,
films when extended with some extra scenes
We pay for shots they've blown,
that make us frown, buy one, get two
No lie, part of the act, know it's a sting, a cash back premiere
If you pay it's cash for yak

Cuts, and cellulitic buts, and bonus value smut
And more, all goes straight to the DVD
Check, a ton of CGI, some wizzkid misapplied
And blew himself, all on a Christmas tree

If the script's been penned, to surf a trend, stay far away
To whom will it apply, I'll hue and cry, for love scene metal songs
If actors showing bone, when on the throne's, your guilty pleasure
Come see good taste implode,
it's been foreboded, by the budgeteer
And a soundtrack full of quacks

Rats, and broken beat-up bats, and wham-bam girls too fat
And more, that goes straight to a DVD
Twists, like trannies that were kissed, when filming in the mist
And brace yourself, this is part one of three
What? A heroine not hot? A messed up money shot?
The whole thing's hosed straight to a DVD
Spin, a Baldwin's next of kin, a once was now has been
A lifted face, almost a guarantee

And in slow-mo, tanned babe skin
More in slow-mo, bouncing twins

Shit, that no-one will admit, producers saw and quit
And then the rest was shot in Coventry
Clips, of actors that were high, somewhere up in the sky
You'll get their crappin' yap on the comment'ry
Lots, of extras going nuts, and trainees with the trots
And more, all goes straight to the DVD
Clips, of deeds with apple pies, of when directors cry
And wet themselves, all's on the DVD

© Peter Andersson 2010