© PETER ANDERSSON
A MUSIC PARODY
BY: ALICE COOPER
"A married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing."
I'm run - ain't nice
I'm hooked - ain't pills
My wife - she drills
"Buy bread and butter and some milk but not much"
"A jar of shampoo, but with fragrance, from the gift shop"
"Pick up the laundry and the kids at my ex"
"And bring some bonbons"
(As her hips aren't big enough!)
Her voicemail's driving me insane
Henpecked dude - I'm getting lame
Deep south - she's squat'
Her clan - she brought
In-laws - in debts
Rednecks - that sweats
"Cancel your bowling with your friends, they're all dim"
"I'm needing new shoes and you'll drive, no Monday night game"
"Don't need no tampons but a pregnancy test"
"And bring home ice cream"
(Aren't her innards cold enough?)
Her voicemail holds me in her reins
I'm like Alfred to Bruce Wayne
(AND HERE'S WHERE THE GUITAR GETS THE BLUES)
New week, new chills
My phone, it shrills
"I've booked you sessions with my friend, she's a shrink"
"You need a therapist, until the toilet lid's dropped"
"I wanna go too, but I've crimson tide cramps"
"So buy me chocolate"
(Soon her weight will crush the couch!)
Her voicemail's hampering my game
Independence gone in flames
"We need to throw out all your bachelor kitsch"
"I've chucked them Gainers, get some Sloppy Joes at the shop"
"Pick up my mother at the airport at six"
"And clean her dentures"
(Can't get out here fast enough!)
Aim of Amor is a shame
I'll see Cupid, he'll be maimed
I'll be going bat' insane
One day manhood I'll reclaim
© Peter Andersson 2014