Voicemail © PETER ANDERSSON A MUSIC PARODY BASED ON: "POISON" BY: ALICE COOPER BONUS QUOTE: "A married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing." UNKNOWN		I've been thinking about parody writing techniques lately, mostly because of this one that I had brewing in the pipeline. It has quotation marks for spoken lines (which also are female voicemail messages), parentheses for backing vocals (used as exclamation reactions to those voicemails) and a male narrative (it's not really a duet, only kinda sorta) on two levels; the first being those 4+4+2 lines of 2+2 syllables that really are the only verses in the song (and headscratchingly hard to pace with something increasingly in tune with the theme) and the second being the chorus that I needed to switch up as much as possible to milk the subject for all I could. I've done all of those things in some of my older parodies of course, but I don't think I've done them all at once, at least not in such a load-bearing way. That said (and I'm sorry for boring you all to tears with this lengthy intro but you're all gonna cry in sympathy in a few minutes anyway, if this set-up doesn't fall through), welcome to my nightmare! Remote device I'm run - ain't nice I'm hooked - ain't pills My wife - she drills "Buy bread and butter and some milk but not much" (How much?) "A jar of shampoo, but with fragrance, from the gift shop" "Pick up the laundry and the kids at my ex" (Which ex?) "And bring some bonbons" (As her hips aren't big enough!) Voicemail Her voicemail's driving me insane Her voicemail Henpecked dude - I'm getting lame Deep south - she's squat' Her clan - she brought In-laws - in debts Rednecks - that sweats "Cancel your bowling with your friends, they're all dim" (Your kin?) "I'm needing new shoes and you'll drive, no Monday night game" "Don't need no tampons but a pregnancy test" (Say what?) "And bring home ice cream" (Aren't her innards cold enough?) Voicemail Her voicemail holds me in her reins Her voicemail I'm like Alfred to Bruce Wayne Voicemail (AND HERE'S WHERE THE GUITAR GETS THE BLUES) New week, new chills My phone, it shrills "I've booked you sessions with my friend, she's a shrink" (You think!) "You need a therapist, until the toilet lid's dropped" "I wanna go too, but I've crimson tide cramps" (Just tamp!) "So buy me chocolate" (Soon her weight will crush the couch!) Voicemail Her voicemail's hampering my game Her voicemail Independence gone in flames Voicemail "We need to throw out all your bachelor kitsch" (You bitch!) "I've chucked them Gainers, get some Sloppy Joes at the shop" "Pick up my mother at the airport at six" (That hex!) "And clean her dentures" (Can't get out here fast enough!) Voicemail Aim of Amor is a shame Voicemail I'll see Cupid, he'll be maimed I'll be going bat' insane Voicemail One day manhood I'll reclaim Maybe © Peter Andersson 2014
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