*Wheeze* *Puff* *Pant* *Snuffle*
© PETER ANDERSSON
A MUSIC PARODY
BASED ON:
"SEX, LOVE, DANCE, MUSIC"
BY: SKEW SISKIN
BONUS QUOTE:
"If your only goal is to survive the next 60 minutes of your life, then your best strategy is to go to bed, alone. However, if you want to lower your lifetime risk of heart disease, then your best strategy is to fill the next hour with 60 minutes of moderate exercise."
PAUL THOMPSON
 
Being a runner on involuntary injury hiatus is something that really sucks, the only upside is that when I can't run I can at least still write about it, hence I now give you this brand new parody song about a runner who's even more unfit and down in the ditch than what I feel like at the moment. The chorus consists of onomatopoetic words, an idea I've toyed with for a while, God only knows how that part would be solved for a recording though.

I try to scuttle but I ain't no sleuth
Warmups have me short of air and I cough
I got a stick man's lungs and thighs
But I just wanna run out and get high

So I run one mile and I flutter
And it feels like I should implode
Maybe I'll fall down in the gutter
I wobble down the road, road, road

I chant:
*Wheeze* *Puff* *Pant* *Snuffle*
And then:
*Moan* *Gasp* *Hack* *Rattle*

I lurch and drool and I oughta recede
I'm such a fool that I always proceed
I try so hard but with speed I'm a dud
And I'm miles-obsessed, but move like mud

When my legs start feeling like butter
I can limp but soon I'll be floored
Saliva's starting to sputter
I'm crying out - I'm sore, sore, sore

I chant:
*Wheeze* *Puff* *Pant* *Snuffle*
And then:
*Moan* *Gasp* *Hack* *Rattle*

I won't give up, stop and get cold
That's a way to croak or so I'm told
Duracell legs is my fantasy
Falling to ground is the reality

If I get back up I just trotter
And I'll knock the heavenly door
Come cops arrest me for squatter
That I will plunk for, for, for

I chant:
*Wheeze* *Puff* *Pant* *Snuffle*
And then:
*Moan* *Gasp* *Hack* *Rattle*


(The chorus continues for a while longer,
one beat in front of the other)



 © Peter Andersson 2008

   

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