I want a pimped-up casting couch for Christmas


"Porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house."
My Christmas parody for 2015 was called I want the Necronomicon for Christmas. For 2016 I've decided that I need to sock it to the same original once more. This time the premise is that since every now and then someone comments that one of my parodies would be fun as a movie or a video, that's an idea I'd like to run with, at least as long as I myself get to be in control of the casting process - because of reasons.
The original song and a video for it can be heard/seen HERE.

I want a pimped-up casting couch for Christmas
One that's free from yucky stains and goo
Dude, that's my goal
No stinky sock with coal
I want a shiny backstage couch where actresses enroll

I want a hardened casting couch for Christmas
I don't like flaccid foam rubber and screws
It comes to deduce
When I'm on the caboose
I don't wanna be done for
Cos the back can't handle two

You can send it to Heywood Ja'Bloeme
That's my screen name - s'right!
When I start to advertise
Girls of every length and size
Will gauge my shiny new couch standing there

I want a pimped-up casting couch for Christmas
Only stallion leather's gonna do
No compromise
No signs of yesterdays
I do not like tacky sticky overlays
And that's the way my actresses like me too

Maybe a pillow for chafing butts but then
Probably these actresses have veterinarians

They'll go out on a limb
For my Swedish massage
I'll knead them there
And deed them bare
While filming a montage

I'll be calling back to Gina Tingles
That's a screen name - s'right!
Full of toys and oversized
And a beauty to my eyes
I'll grab my brand new sofa from the rear

I want a ballsy casting couch for Christmas
Not one from IKEA without screws
One for the miles
Without orifices
It needs to stand virgin marvelous-esses
Delivered by Saint Nicholaus with a Ho!

© Peter Andersson 2016