The scale is tweeting my weight


"The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return, it's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale."
This parody won the Bronze Medal in AmIright's
Song of the Month of February 2010 Contest!

This is a song about the latest surveillance technology scare for women and the biggest threat to the chocolate industry in like forever - a French company has created a set of bathroom scales that through wireless connections to the internet sends a tweet every time someone gets on them, letting everyone in the world who accidentally or otherwise stumbled over the right URL get to know exactly how much you've gained from that piece of cake you just couldn't resist last night. And imagine these scales combined with web cams and we'll probably have a worldwide nightmarish 24/7 anorexialympics going on before we can all say "that's quite enough, please". Read more about it HERE.
The original song and a video for it can be heard/seen HERE.

A cow, from front to rear
I was so fat, the scale was hurtin'
I've spent, much dough on beer
Potato chips, I weren't avertin'
I've filled, my stomach full
And savaged each, in my reach cheese tray
But now, no more of that
Scale's tweeting my weight

Parfaits, I've had a few
And those I blame, for lard retention
I gulped, what I could go through
And cookie dough, I paid attention
I once, ate like a horse
And then I oinked, upon the scale plate
But now, no more of that
It's tweeting my weight

Yes, there's a tweet, it's like the news
It's a bit odd, but it outs the truth
And shows to all, when I've grossed out
I suck it up, and spit food out
It size' me up, and makes the call
A tweet with my weight

I've craved, I've starved and cried
I've had my fill-ings loose from grinding
And now, as pounds subside
I've had a full, rear arse behinding
To think, the scale did that
The tech today, is going haywire
The scale, the scale hates me
It's tweeting my weight

And what is the plan, what's more to come?
Will mirror shelfs, call us all bums?
Will stuff say the things, they truly feel?
Will microwaves, force us to kneel?
Let this song show, I think it blows
Scale's tweeting my weight

Yes, it tweets my weight

© Peter Andersson 2010