The zipper
took it all



"Accident: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body
is better."

This parody won the Silver Medal in AmIright's
Song of the Month of October 2006 Contest!
Parody writing can be hazardous to your health, take my word for it. There I was at home, quietly and peacefully pondering a couple of rhymes of the under-the-belt kind while at the same time liberating some used caffeine from internal circulation, when suddenly and quite painfully my muse cut me off in midthought to deliver a different bloody angle. Now some may argue that since I'm a man it was my muse that was cut off, and that may be, but I still managed to write this narrative tale about the (no longer) whole thing.

I just had to squawk
Hoping it was untrue
No more squirting free
Now that's history
I'm slain beyond scarred
And the nuts are gone too
No more roll in hay
Nothing to display

The zipper took it all
The hose and both de balls
That piss turned toooo goryyyy

I was first alarmed
Blinking I then stood there
I flunked my future tense
Built now like the Kens
Having there at home
A genitals are gone scare
Gosh I lost my duals
Zipping like a fool

The goods where thrown on ice
To no use (way too sliced)
Yes somehow way down there
I lost something dear

The zipper took it all
Remains are very small
There's nothing much to see
12 inch' history

Don't ask me how I piss
Lest no-one will miss you
Dude I cannot aim
But I'm not a dame
Since I lost my pride
That place you don't go to
So shut up I pray
Jewel jokes' clichéd

Adjudged here on the side
Unlikely I'll now astride
Spectators of my low
Evermore plateau
The time it took my friend
A second poorly spent
A big thing uninstalled
The zipper took it all

I don't want you gawk
Shit happens, I've been had
And in this here land
No more I'll hold my gland

I zipped up unwise
And if you think that's bad
There I've nothing, hence
Now I've normal sense
So you see
The zipper took it aaaaaaaall
The zipper took it aaaaaaaall

That damned zipper
Took it all off
Both the ol' hose
And the balls
Cut to size
Wasn't nice
Down I stare
"Bye-bye dear"
It's been cut off
Don't you boff

© Peter Andersson 2006